That Don't Impress Me Much
by BlackIsJustAColor
Summary: A LJ songfic to Shania Twain's That Don't Impress Me Much. James just can't impress Lily.Rating for 1 word. ONESHOT


i I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart  
But you've got being right down to an art  
You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall  
You're a regular original, a know-it-all  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist  
That don't impress me much  
So you got the brain but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night  
That don't impress me much /i 

"I will now be passing back your essays; I have graded them as they will be graded on your NEWTs." Professor McGonagall walked down the aisles handing out papers, stopping occasionally to speak with someone.  
"Miss Evans." She said as she handed my paper to me. An 'E'. Not to bad the essay was on animagus transformations, it wasn't very interesting to me but I gave it my best shot.  
"Mr. Potter, very good. Perfect score." Potter took the parchment and high-fived Black. No doubt he copied off Remus' paper. I glanced at Remus' paper (he sits next to me). E. After class Potter came up to me.

"Hey Evans, what'd you get on the essay?" I said nothing.

"I got a perfect score. So you want me to tutor you? I'm sure you could learn a lot from me. We could meet in Hogsmeade say Madame Puddlefoot's?"

"Potter, I wouldn't go to Hogsmeade with you for all the galleons in Gringotts. And you stupid perfect score doesn't impress me." I stomped off feeling rather good about myself.

"What about all the galleons i outside /i Gringotts!" Potter shouted after me.

i I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket  
And a comb up his sleeve-just in case  
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it  
'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else  
Okay, so you're Brad Pitt  
That don't impress me much  
So you got the looks but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night  
That don't impress me much /i 

"My earrings! Where are my earrings?"

"Has anyone seen a red shore?"

"Lily, where's my red lipstick?"

"Can someone help me zip up the back of this?"

It is the night of the winter ball and my dormitory is the scariest place in the castle, I swear.

"There's a pair of earrings over on the heater, Lisa. No. I haven't seen a red shoe. Alice, your lipstick is in your hand." I said while zipping up the back of Sonya's dress. There are three minutes left and I'm the only one that's ready.

Finally we're all done (five minutes late) and I glance around at our odd group. Lisa, in a beautiful yellow gown, she's gong with some Ravenclaw quiddich player. Alice is going alone because her Boyfriend, Franck, was graduated. She wore a green strapless number. Sonya, our resident Asian, was wearing a red and orange flowy dress that looked as light as air. The idiot was going with Sirius Black. The human Christmas Tree, aka me, is going with mo one. Although I have a required dance with the head Boy, Potter. Ick. I'm wearing a long silver dress that was very shimmery.

So we walked down the stairs to the common room. Because we were late only three people were still there: Sirius Black, waiting for Sonya, Remus Lupin, and James Potter. They were all staring at us. Sonya, the first person on the stair, walked up to Black and pushing up on the bottom of his jaw to close his mouth.

"It's impolite to stare." That seemed to snap Sirius and Remus out of it, Sirius smiling arrogantly and offering his arm, Remus coloring and scuffing his shoes.

Lisa had already hurried away to meet her date and now Sonya and Sirius were leaving. Remus offered his arm to Alice, asking how Frank was doing at the Auror Academy. James continued to stand there staring at me, I squirmed under his intense gaze.

"Well I suppose you're almost pretty enough to walk in with i me /i ." He said arrogantly as he offered his arm.

"Why? You need someone to make up for that hair?!" James looked quickly at a mirror near the wall.

"What are you talking about? I spent a half hour making this piece of hair-" he pointed somewhere near the back of his head. "Lie over i here /i instead of over there." Another vague hand gesture later and I was beginning to giggle. He noticed.

"What are you laughing about!" he cried indignantly, "I'm sure you spend just as much time on you hair."

"Potter , I'm a girl. I probably have four times the amount of hair you do."

"Yeah, so... hmph." He pretended to pout and my giggling turned into full out laughter. He couldn't keep a straight face much longer, so, giving in, he began to laugh as well. A big, deep, throw-your-head-back laugh. He really did look good, but he was still Potter, so I didn't expect much else.

I took his arm and we laughed our way down to the great hall.

i You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine  
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in  
I can't believe you kiss your car good night  
C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special  
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else  
Okay, so you've got a car  
That don't impress me much  
So you got the moves but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night /i 

After the dance, everything went back to the way it was before with me and James. Today was the day of the quiddich match; James had just gotten a brand new top-of-the-line broomstick. It is now 5:30 in the morning and I'm working on some of my homework when down comes James with the cleaning utensil and broomstick serviceing kit.

He sees me at my table and plops down on the floor next to me, crossing his long legs Indian style.

"Hey, Evans."

"Morning, Potter" he looked up at me, surprised. Maybe he didn't expect me to say anything. I guess I'm in a good mood.

"Do you like my new broom?" Good mood gone.

"Whatever, Potter" James looked shocked.

"Whatever? No, not whatever! This is the fastest broom there is. This Silver Arrow can go from 0-60 in 5 second i 5 seconds /i ! Not whatever." He patted his broom lovingly.

"Sure, Potter, whatever you say." My sarcasm was lost on James as he nodded vigorously. Disgusted, I stomped upstairs.

i That don't impress me much  
You think you're cool but have you got the touch  
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright  
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night  
That don't impress me much  
Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something...  
Oo-Oh-Oh  
That don't impress me much!  
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-No  
Alright! Alright!  
You're Tarzan!  
Captain Kirk maybe.  
John Wayne.  
Whatever! /i 

It is a Wednesday. A stupid day if you ask me. Owls started to fly in and I can see one flying towords me, the brown one my parents use to contact me during school. I took the letter and offered Binny, the owl, some of my toast. Then I opened the letter.

i 'Dear Freak,

Mother and Gather have died, car accident. They left no will so everything except you school trust fund goes to me. I know this is you last year of school so get a job or something. Don't come home for the holidays, I won't let you in.

From, Petunia.' /i 

Tears welled up in my eyes and i started to shake. Lisa shook me softly, asking if I was okay. Alice tried to take the letter but I held it in a vice-like grip. Suddenly I stood and ran out of the Great Hall. I ran out the front doors hardly knowing where I was going. I finally stopped exhausted at the base of a tree near the Black Lake. I just sat there sobbing.

Someone sat down next to me, strong arms wrapped themselves around me. I buried my head into their shoulder, sobbing and their grip redoubles.

I don't know how long we sat there, but slowly my cries decrease, then stop all together leaving me hiccupping.

James gave me one more squeeze then reluctantly let go. I turned to look at him and he smiled guiltily as if unsure of his welcome. I leaned into him to reassure his doubts. We sat there for a few more minutes until I broke the silence.

"My sister sent me this letter." I handed it to him and he took it.

His brow furrowed as he read through the letter. Red faced he turned to me. "Who's Petunia?! What bitch would be so callous about something like this?!" His voice was soft and furious.

"Petunia is my sister." My voice shook as I answered him.

"Your sister."

"Yeah, she... doesn't like me much."

"Lily..."

"No, James, she hates me. She just told me my parents are dead in the most blunt way possible, didn't tell me when the funeral was, basically cut me off from any way of getting an apartment after graduation, and stopped me from seeing what's left of my family over the holidays." He didn't say anything after that, he just held me by the lake for hours. We missed all of out classes and got the five detentions for it. When we finally got back to the common room I stopped and turned to face him.

"James..."

"Yeah, Lily?"

"I just wanted you to know that I appreciate what you did today. It really impressed me, so... thanks." He smiled wanely.

"I only wish that you didn't need the help." I gave him a fug and scampered upstairs, a warm feeling spreading though me.

i That don't impress me... /i 


End file.
